The Secret is out.

It is a common reality that the sons and daughters of pastors and ministers are often the wildest kids in the neighborhood. In the “industry” they are referred to as the “PK” or preacher’s kid. Nearly all of us have noticed them. Perhaps you’ve seen a preacher’s daughter dressed immodestly at the mall, or maybe you know a preacher’s son who was caught sleeping with a high school cheer leader. While the ministerial effort of so many pastors emphasizes clean and moral living, the lack of compliance in the lives of their own children seems to bear testimony to some “apparent” inconsistency, or even hypocrisy, within the preacher’s family. In the past, church members and neighbors, when seeing the preacher’s kid running with the wrong crowd, used to shake their heads and cluck their tongues and secretly blame the preacher, and only half way forgive him, for neglecting his own child. Has it always been the preacher’s fault and failure?

Pastors are always called shepherds, and their congregation is the flock. Scripture confirms this metaphor. When the flock gathers Sunday morning, we always see glad fellowship and singing. The shepherd feeds the flock with the spiritual nourishment of the Word of God. On the outside, everything looks good. The reality is this; sheep bite. Sheep often bite the shepherd. They are often known to complain, and gripe and fight among themselves. They tell their neighbors about their unhappiness with the church and wonder why the neighbors won't come worship with them.

If the pastor is worth his salt, he’ll bear all of this in a Christ like manner. He won’t strike back at the sheep. He’ll pray for them, and try to lead and guide and teach them. He’ll bear the scars and the hurt quietly, because that’s where Jesus, the Great Shepherd set the example. But the pastor/shepherd is human. He isn’t divine. Somewhere, he’s got to vent his own anxiety and pain. Often, it’s behind closed doors at home, with his wife while the children overhear.

So, the secret is out. Recent information posted on the website at PK International about adult children of pastors, offer some interesting insight to the problem of the wild PK. By their own testimony, many never blamed their ministerial parent for the disobedience during teen years. They blamed the flock. Watching daddy endure such pain from people who said they loved Jesus actually scared them away from the church. They decided, during their teen years that it just wasn’t worth the pain. They didn’t see any real love or joy in church life.

In the eighteenth chapter of Matthew’s gospel, Jesus warned His disciples, as He warns us; if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

We are human. We will inevitably disagree with one another. We all can’t always be right at the same time. But within the church community, we need to be very careful how we disagree and what we say, because there is always someone else watching. It may not be the PK. It may very well be our own child. The way we respond and behave may determine the path they take.